T B I #1

So cool.  I have found some more information about what happened to me 15 years ago, that I've denied and ignored since then.  Well, I am still here 15 years later, and what I didn't want to know could still kill me, unless I know more about it, which is knowing more about myself, too.

So I was told that what happened to me falls under the category "Traumatic Brain Injury".  While I was trying to get over the horrors of rehab and drugs/medication and radiation and steroids and more rehab and more rehab and restrictions, I wanted to stay as far away from "what happened to me" as possible.  That is why I had a relapse less than one year ago.  A melt down.  A crack.  Whatever.  I lost it.  Then I lost what mattered most to me.

She only mattered most to me because of what Therapists told me: I will never marry.

They told me so much more of what I will never do.  And if people know me, don't ever tell me what I can't or won't do.  Challenge gives birth to spite and spite's twin is the ax head blade.  Because of rehearsing those horrors of being told so many negatives, I would pound my head, over and over.  Whether from my own fists or a steering wheel or a dash board or a wall or a table or a tree or a bat or the glass of a picture frame, I would resort to that as a relapse.  And it never hurt cause my anger for that injustice hurt more inside my soul.

This I believe is a part or effect of TBI.  For these last 15 years, I never received the support I needed and still, I don't believe it is apparent.  I shall see where this information about TBI leads me.

http://www.brainline.org/landing_pages/categories/abouttbi.html?gclid=CN3V56yovLgCFY87MgodgisANA

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the picture in this article was taken while comatose.  the article was written after i woke.