So, this is days after waking. To get you up to date from the last few weeks of a coma to this picture shoot: Around the first of three weeks while in a coma, I experienced Arrhythmia. I had "rapid arrhythmia" first. My chest, my heart, would pound so fast causing the sheets to lift up off me. I was told this freaked out my parents and probably visitors. Then i would have slow arrhythmia along with irregular arrhythmia.
then the heart just stopped.
it was stopped for a few minutes.
no electric signals going to my brain.
my brain also stopped.
no oxygen.
the doctors asked my parents if they wanted to revive me and it was allowed.
But the doctors had to warn my family that because they're not reading any brain signals, because my heart stopped and I was technically brain dead, I was expected to be a vegetable. They did tests, run a sharp object down the bottom of my feet and yes there was a response but that was mechanical. They still weren't sure if I was going to #1 wake. #2 be cognitive if I did wake.
Then I had high high fevers. In order to bring my temperatures down they brought in fans, put me in tubs of just ice, opened the ceiling and lowered a tube from the AC Venting shaft and positioned it over my bed. People were wearing coats while I lay almost naked on my bed under freezing blowing winds!
With whatever fluid building in my lungs, gel was forming, mucus, and pneumonia filled both my lungs. Double pneumonia. That also increased my fevers, and lengthened them. It was noted that if the high fevers didn't take me, the double pneumonia would.
Meanwhile, they were still dealing with the AVM, which they did not realize was what it was. But they had to drain the blood that was just spraying all over my brain from the arteries and veins that were tangled. It was also stated that to picture it, it would look like a fire works display. Just not as beautiful.
So as blood was being drained and drained and drained, over the course of 3 weeks, my weight dropped to nearly under 70 pounds. I went from a 135 pound muscular weightlifting basketball/football athlete to a 70 pound kid sized adult. 20 years of age smaller than a 5th grader. But I still looked somewhat "fit" because they had to fill me with fluids, so much, and that caused face swelling.
Of course my blood pressures were sky rocketed, same with my ICP's. Because the enormous amounts of blood in my skull the doctors had few choices to make in order to lower the pressures, or stop the blood flow.
Choice #1: cut out part of my bone skull, lift is up, and let the brain stop swelling from too much blood in place of normal brain tissue and normal brain fluid.
Choice #2: fill my head/skull with little bitty beads in hopes they replace what area/space the blood clot is taking up.
Choice #3: let time take it's course and hope the swelling subsides while inserting tubes in my skull to drain, hopefully relieving the pressure.
They opted for Choice #3.
Since they didn't replace the blood with beads, the blood continued to seep through my eyes and nose and ears as it started to at Michelle's house. With all the blood that filled my eye and ear cavities, it was said that I was to be blind and deaf. I also had mini seizures often. That too was to be a sign that I will wake non cognitive. The estimate total amount of blood drained from my brain was a little over 6 Liters. I had to have 2 blood transfusions. No wonder I went under 70 pounds. But, yes, I couldn't do alot of things on my own like breathe, eat, etc. So a feeding tube was inserted in my gut. The breathing tube was placed in my throat from the beginning. I believe they used a pen to pop a hole through my throat.
Immediately to ward off infection after infection, I was given so many doses of medications. I was under around 30 different drugs. That also did damage to me internally. Any pictures of me during this time show me as not a happy camper, but that's because I'm not camping. I'm hospitalized. Not fun.
The bleed took place in the hypothalamus and to all 4 ventricles. It's primary position was barely on the left side of my brain which when I did wake, the right side of my body had next to nil usage or ability. Along with the posturing, which was the immediate first sign of brain malfunction, from Michelle's house, I had a long road to physical rehabilitation. I still barely and rarely posture which causes any running to be painful.
A day after I woke, they put me back under so that a shunt was placed in my head.
It is permanent.
Everything is permanent.
Experiences are permanent.
What happens from the experiences doesn't have to be permanent, though.
And I am trying to not be permanently angered from this, permanently damaged from this.
I don't know if it's noticed in my blog, but I just started a life of "loss" from April 26, 1998. And it spanned and spanned and spanned.
And I have no idea what to replace the loss with because that is the first inclination, as a human, to do.
Not compensation but rectification. But I am realizing, that while back here in earth time and space, not everything is correct or right. And that is wrong.
Yet, no one is to blame.
NO ONE.
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